Bill Passed Allowing Gay Couples to Become BFFs

This Saturday, an historic bill was passed in Vermont to allow gay couples to become online BFFs in chat programs such as AIM.  To clear up some public confusion, BFF stands for “Best Friends Forever,” not “Butt Fucking Friends

Previously, only straight couples were allowed to be BFFs, and many conservatives feel that it should stay this way.  Senator John McCain stated, “I believe that the sanctity of BFFness should remain between a man and a woman.  I firmly believe in traditional AIM version 1.0 values.  I have no problem with gay couples having some sort of a ceremony, or whatever it is those fags do, but I don’t think we should call it being BFFs nor should it be declared in an AIM chatroom."

Many evangelical conservatives are pointing to the bible, which states, “When a man and a woman devoutly enjoy ROFLOLing and LMFAOing together and become so committed that they want to remain together for eternity, then they shall bind their souls in the sanctity of BFFness, but no two men and no two women shall become BFFs, for it is abominable and God thinks it is really gay and that shit grosses him out” (Leviticus 2: 5 - 8)

Homosexual, Lucas Faberson, asks, “Like, why should only men and women be allowed to be BFFs?  The constitution gives me just as much right to say what I want in my AIM profile as anyone in this country.”

Senator McCain responded by saying, “Raise your hand if you don’t fuck people in the ass.”  For the record, Faberson did not raise his hand. 

All declarations of BFFness must be done almost entirely through a civil court, though, because churches across the nation are refusing the accept BFFness among gay couples.  Father John Weiner stated, “I just don’t think our Lord would want gay couples to become BFFs.  They’re certainly welcome to all civil rights, such as being Fuck-Buddies via Email, I-Chat Video Chat Companions, and Facebook Friends."

Faberson responded, stating" “Perhaps we can only pray that these all too powerful religious leaders will shed their prejudice.”  

Father Weiner added, as a final note, "They’re even allowed to be in a Facebook relationship as long as they select ‘It’s complicated’  under their relationship status.”